How to identify and avoid enablers in recovery
Acting as an enabler rarely stems from malicious intent—often, it begins with a sincere desire to “help.” However, enabling can inadvertently exacerbate the very behaviors you’re hoping to fix. By confronting issues, setting firm boundaries, and encouraging professional assistance, you can empower your loved ones to face responsibility, grow, and change. An enabler personality is so focused on fulfilling their loved one’s needs that they ignore their own needs. Consequently, at some point, they feel underappreciated which results in feelings of resentment. This process is a never-ending cycle because, at the same time, it becomes difficult to stop enabling behavior. By recognizing the signs of substance use disorders and seeking professional help at the earliest signs, individuals can increase the chances of successful recovery.
Give them a choice where the wrong option has natural consequences
Financially enabling a loved one can have particularly damaging consequences if they struggle with addiction or alcohol misuse. When helping becomes a way of avoiding a seemingly inevitable discomfort, it’s a sign that you’ve crossed over into enabling behavior. This is opposed to providing means and opportunities to continue engaging in self-destructive behaviors. Instead of focusing on what you feel you did wrong, identifying concrete behaviors that might have excused your loved one’s actions could help. This may allow the unhealthy behavior to continue, even if you believe a conflict-free environment will help the other person.
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For more such content, connect with us through all social media platforms. If you help a loved one set realistic, incremental milestones right from the start, there will hopefully be many opportunities to celebrate. It’s your job to remind them how hard change is, and how proud they should be of every win. When this didn’t work, they started making excuses for him, explaining that his smoking was a coping strategy after a tough day.
Finally, uniting in pride and togetherness does not always lead to behavior change. Your loved one may be encouraged by your love and support, but the act of enabling is often deeply ingrained and not easily altered by emotions alone. When it comes to stopping enabling behavior, there are certain tactics that may seem like good ideas on the surface but ultimately fail to effect behavior change. It’s important to understand why these approaches don’t work, so you can instead adopt tactics that are more effective. Joining your loved one in seeking professional help and guidance can be a powerful way to show your support and commitment to their recovery.
Purpose Healing Center is known for helping people recover from substance use disorders and related mental health conditions. It’s certainly not easy to identify enabling behavior, let alone know how to stop enabling once you realize it’s happening. But below, Dr. Daramus and Grazer offer solutions for being able to love, support, and—yes—help someone without enabling them to remain stuck in self-destructive patterns. Fostering accountability involves creating an environment where the individual understands that their actions have consequences. This can be achieved by clearly communicating expectations and boundaries. When boundaries are crossed, follow through with appropriate consequences, like reducing contact temporarily or withholding financial support.
The Importance of Addressing Negative Self-Talk in Recovery
But in the long term, this approach can lead to continued bad habits, as your loved one may continue the behavior out of spite rather than due to a genuine desire to change. It’s important to remember that seeking professional help is a positive step towards recovery, and that it takes strength and courage to acknowledge the need for outside support. Encouraging your loved one in this step can ultimately lead to a healthier and happier relationship for both of you. It can be helpful to have a mental health professional or addiction specialist guide them through the recovery process. It’s important for enablers to recognize these feelings of resentment and address them.
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Confronting the addicted person might be difficult, but it is necessary to encourage them to seek help. It is natural to feel scared of the unknown, especially if the person has faced negative consequences for their are you an enabler learn about enabling behaviors addiction in the past. However, it is important to understand that enabling their behavior is not the solution and may lead to worse consequences in the long run. Enabling behavior can also foster negative and unfair relationship balances. Instead of the relationship being based on love and mutual respect, it becomes imbalanced and unhealthy.
- This may allow the unhealthy behavior to continue, even if you believe a conflict-free environment will help the other person.
- Many years ago, I had the privilege of working with a remarkable young lady at a drug and alcohol rehab center during her Recovery from addiction….
- Setting healthy boundaries means clearly communicating what we will and won’t tolerate.
- This dependency can create a cycle in which the codependent partner encourages the substance abuser’s poor behavior to fulfill their own emotional requirements.
You might even enjoy or feel gratified by this unhealthy relationship. Because, for example, “enabling can also occur as an avoidance of self or a manifestation of fear rather than an act of love and caring,” she says. Once boundaries are set, it is important to stick to them, despite possible resistance or manipulation attempts by the loved one. Encouraging independence by allowing natural consequences to occur can motivate the individual to recognize the impact of their actions and seek help.
They might think, “If I don’t step in, everything will fall apart,” but this mindset keeps them stuck in a cycle of overgiving while the other person avoids responsibility. This can also lead to a type of trauma bonding, where the enabler feels that they cannot stop enabling the person that they love without feeling that they abandoned them in their time of need. Many people who are enablers may not be trying to be or be aware that they are enabling their loved ones. Enabling recovery by offering incentives to change is a healthy way to empower someone you care about to get treatment.
Enabling Behavior Versus Supporting Someone With an Addiction
Minimizing the issue implies to your loved one that they can continue to treat you similarly with no consequences. Whether your loved one continues to drink to the point of blacking out or regularly takes money out of your wallet, your first instinct might be to confront them. But your actions can give your loved one the message that there’s nothing wrong with their behavior — that you’ll keep covering for them. You might avoid talking about it because you’re afraid of acknowledging the problem. You might even be afraid of what your loved one will say or do if you challenge the behavior.
- They could say they’ve only tried drugs once or twice but don’t use them regularly.
- They may need to learn to set healthy boundaries, and not enable the substance abuser to continue making harmful choices.
- Many issues connected to enabling—such as addiction, emotional dependency, or mental health struggles—require professional intervention.
- Encouraging your loved one to seek professional help can be a delicate conversation, but it is important to approach it with empathy and understanding.
- Addressing relapse effectively involves identifying an appropriate rehab center and offering support and accountability to the substance abuser.
The Resilience Blueprint: Navigating Personal and Professional Setbacks
Remember that behavior change takes time and commitment, and that by being patient and consistent, you can ultimately help your loved one achieve a better, healthier life. Being a safety net for someone who is struggling with addiction or other destructive behavior may seem like a kind and supportive thing to do, but it can actually be harmful in the long run. Setting boundaries is a crucial part of enabling healthy relationships.